Help The Vectors Of Autism Project!

30 Days of Autism writer Leah Kelley has just written a great post on the Vectors of Autism Project, a documentary on autism in adults. This documentary looks amazing, you know. It might just get us even further up on the map for acceptance.

I know I don't have too many followers on this blog. However, I'm writing a quick little post asking you to help me out - if you're able to, please donate to the documentary fund or at the very least spread the word around! They're hoping to raise at least $5000 to complete the editing and hopefully enter the film in festivals, so help them out if you can!

If we each give a little bit, we can help a lot - this story deserves to be heard by both people affected by autism and those who are not. Please give if you can.

Thank you in advance! More strange happenings from my life, complete with stupid cartoons, will come soon.

Why Telling People To #KillYoself Is Wrong

Okay, let's talk about the internet and how it's betrayed me today.

I've been using the internet as a place to escape from my daily life since eighth grade. It was then that I discovered and learned to enjoy fandom. For someone who was picked on and made to feel inferior by the real world, the internet was somewhere safe I could go. I knew I could rely on it.

Nowadays, it's harder and harder to escape your problems online. In fact, you can find them even more easily.

There's apparently a hashtag on Twitter called #killyoself. According to UrbanDictionary.com, it refers to the following:

Commonly used to tell someone that the statement they just made is completely insane.

Now here's the problem - you should never, ever, under any circumstances tell a person to kill themselves. It's offensive. As more and more people in this country struggle with depression and bullying, telling someone to kill themselves, even if you're joking, can have serious ramifications. If someone's recovering from depression or a suicide attempt, how do you think they'd feel if they were told "kill yo'self?" It's extremely jarring. There are some things you just don't say to people.

I've had a very hard time over the years. My lack of social ability has often made me wonder about things, and if someone told me to 'kill yo'self' I would be really, really hurt and feel even more left out, regardless of whether they were kidding or not. I'd be questioning whether or not they actually liked me or whether I was actually worth anything. In extreme cases, reading that hashtag might actually be the thing that pushes somebody over the edge and actually leads to their suicide.

It is never, ever, under any circumstances okay to say that to anybody. You never know who you could hurt.

I'm Cutest To Straight Women - Why?

Here's something I don't think I'll ever understand.

People call me 'cute' somewhat often. I'm 22 now, so I don't fully follow why I'm still 'cute' and not pretty. But the weirdest part to me? The people who call me cute are mostly straight women.

I've never been called cute by a boy. Ever. I have been called cute by lesbians before, but it was in that same affectionate way that the straight women were using the term. I just don't get why it always seems to happen to me.

I dress in a somewhat odd fashion - namely, I take clothes that were originally designed to be masculine and have since been feminized. I wear a lot of blazers and hats. The cartoon I've drawn is a pretty typical outfit for me. I'd consider myself to be a fairly pretty girl who dresses distinctly - I don't follow the pack. Somehow, this fairly pretty girl with her own fashion sense is constantly labeled as 'cute.' By other fairly pretty girls. Who like boys and have no foreseeable reason to flail over how 'cute' I am.

Could someone explain this phenomenon to me? I just don't understand it. And on that note, if any of you reading this are boys, am I cute in a way boys would like?

Identifying With Fictional People

It's been my lot as long as I can remember. I don't even fully understand why, but I've always had trouble identifying with real people, but never with fictional characters. I mean, I know why I don't identify well with real people - I have Asperger's. But when you see yourself in fictional people all the time and yet never in real people, what is that supposed to mean?

It hadn't happened to me for a while, mostly because I didn't have too much time to enjoy fiction when I was a college student. Then I came home and watched lots of anime again. Now I'm seeing myself everywhere.

This is my most recent case:


His name is Kyouhei Sera. He's a forward for fictional soccer team East Tokyo United. He wears his emotions on his face, is overly enthusiastic (or upset, or...well, he's overly-any-emotion-he-feels), is smaller than everyone else on the team at 5'4" (I'm 5'2"), and is so single-minded in his pursuit of scoring goals that he blocks out everything else in his thought process. It kind of disturbs me how much he reminds me of myself.

And yet everyone loves him. They all think he's adorable and dorky and sweet. I'd love it if someone would think that about me. I'm so used to being seen as loud and annoying and frustrating and awkward that I can't even possibly comprehend the idea of being lovable the way he is. I see myself in him and yet I can't understand why people think his character is adorable and yet in real life I struggle so much. Maybe that's just it - he's fictional and I'm real.

When you're fictional, people can look at you from a distance and use you to examine themselves. They can like you as a character. When you're real, they actually have to interact with that character, and that's where people struggle.

Anyway, Sera's what people online would refer to as my 'spirit animal' now. We're so clearly the same person that it makes me happy. It's nice once in a while to find someone just like you, even if they're not real.

I'm back!

I've had a very busy past couple of months. It really all comes down to the fact that we've adopted two Old English sheepdogs and I'm playing mom to them whilst volunteering at my godfather's library helping to transcribe documents in the local history room. It's given me a sense of purpose again, which has really helped my morale out a lot. I've also applied for a big girl job - keep your fingers crossed - and I sold some of my art at New York Comic Con. It's been some solid progress for me, I think. I'm working on getting the hang of this 'adult' thing.

(In the top left corner there is Louise with my mom as she graduates 'puppy first grade.' I'm just really in the mood to share some cute puppy photos with you all today. On the right is my brother with Barnaby.)

I'm actually doing group therapy now, as well. It's for social skills practice, and the other women in the group are helping me out a great deal. I'll do a post on that - without divulging any secrets since what happens in group stays in group - soon.

Right now, I just wanted everyone to know that I'm going to be updating this blog again. More cartoons will come soon, promise! I just really needed to take a little time to settle back in and get used to taking on some adult responsibilities.

In Need Of Direction

I actually drew this on vacation. Yeah, you think I'd be happier on vacation - and don't get me wrong, I had fun - but I've been struggling greatly since I've graduated from college. I have no direction in my life right now, and it's becoming really frustrating. I'm planning on going to graduate school and trying to get a paying job (not a 9-to-5 one, remember?), but at the moment I feel completely lost and I hate it.

I'm going to talk to my therapist tomorrow about this and see if he can give me a nudge in the right direction, but I'm realizing that boredom does not sit well with an active person like myself. I don't mean active in the sense of 'athletically active' or anything - I'm just one of those people who can't sit around doing nothing. I need to be doing something.

Today I ran an errand, going to Williams-Sonoma at the Garden State Plaza to pick up some ice cream bowls that my dad wanted. I also got lunch (Sarku chicken teriyaki and soba). This was the first time I'd left the house in two days. Just being outside gave me some life. I need something to do. I need a life again.

I need some direction.

The Irresponsible Traveler

Yeah. I forgot something when I checked out of a New Hampshire hotel today and my friend and I traveled to Vermont.

It was my bag of already-worn shirts and my iPod.

Somehow, when I called the hotel, they managed to find my iPod but not my clothes. Either way, I ended up feeling really stupid. It just made me feel disorganized and irresponsible.

For those wondering, my iPod is in the mail on its way to my house. They're still looking for my clothes. If you really care, I'll keep you posted.